"I Want A Divorce"

From St. Peter's Support Group
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by: Fred Zurofsky

Whamo!! Right between the eyes. One day your husband comes home and announces, "I'm not happy, I want a divorce!" At first, you are shocked and devastated. As you think about it for a while however, you come to see this did not come as a complete surprise. It never is.

You come to see that there were warnings which didn't seem all that ominous but now you can see how you should have paid attention to them and started on a plan to protect yourself and the children from the loss of income and the loss of family assets which he may have hidden from you over the years.

Unfortunately, if he has been planning this move for some time, he's probably taken steps to get control of the cash and cash equivalent assets. He wants to move onto his new life (perhaps with his new, younger mate) with little concern for how you and the children will manage.

By following the advice given in "Divorce Survival For Women," you will be able to track down some of the other assets such as insurance policies, pension funds, etc. the existence of which you might otherwise not know of.

However, if you have some of those inklings that give you strong hints that he's not happy (really not happy) and may seek his happiness elsewhere, you MUST take steps to protect your share of the family assets.

Many women of earlier generations left the management of the family finances to their husbands. This leaves them totally in the dark about the type and amounts of assets and other financial instruments he is controlling. They don't know what's been going on with the family finances or if there are any hidden assets and bank or brokerage accounts.

If he's already made his announcement, there is little you can do to undo his plans, but if you act quickly and with a plan of attack, you may be able to prevent additional losses and damage to your financial position. The most important thing is to be prepared for the possibility of his departure.

If you have those "inklings," PAY ATTENTION and start uncovering all the accounts, assets, income sources, real estate and business ventures you may have no idea existed up to now.

At a minimum, you need to become a detective and begin to find all the family assets that he may be hiding and all the income sources. You can't afford to let him abscond with the cash and assets leaving you with the bills with little or no resources.

So what do you have to do if you suspect that a nasty divorce if on the horizon?

First, don't wait a moment longer. Think of this step as putting on the parachute before the plane's engine stops. If he's been planning to leave (as you may suspect) you need to begin getting all the important financial information and documents as soon as you can.

What should you do first? Your primary task. If he's going to leave, he will want the cash that's in the family accounts and all the stocks and bonds so he'll have enough cash to live on in his new life. So you should set out to find all these accounts by checking the incoming mail for bank and stock brokerage statements. This will give you a head start on being able to prevent him from raiding these accounts.

If he's hiding accounts and assets, your job will be a little harder. Ask your friends and especially your divorced women friends about their experiences in tracking down family assets.

One bit of information and advice will lead to others and you may become good at uncovering these hidden assets and accounts.

Do some research (hopefully without speaking to a divorce attorney) as to how to place a hold on these accounts just as soon as he makes his grand exit. If you don't let him know that you have the important account information in your possession, he may take his time in looting the accounts. If you act quickly, you can beat him to the punch. The key to your success is doing the research, developing a plan and ACTING when you need to act.

Next you need to determine the amount of family debt that exists for credit cards, personal and auto loans and if you might be libel for the debt repayments. Apply for a free credit report which will give you a good picture of the family debt situation. If he's a really bad guy, he may try to stick you with the repayments because you may get full or partial ownership of the home which a creditor can attach in the event of non-payments.

There is no fairness!
If you think you will get fair treatment in the courts if you let it get that far, just forget it. The only fairness you can get will be earned by you being prepared with the important facts in you case. Judges can't ignore these facts when presented, but if the do, you have grounds for an appeal. So it makes sense for you to get as many particulars about the family finances and possible evidence of how your husband was not being forthright with you over the years.

About the author
Fred Zurofsky is an author and internet publisher who writes ebooks covering topics ranging from investing strategies, self help, personal transformation and internet business development at his web site: www.divorce-survival.com

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